Ckemtp was bored the other night on twitter so I offered to tell him a story. This is the story I made up to learn the roles of cells in the immune system.
So once upon a time there was a ninja training ground we shall call Bob. Bob was not just any ninja training ground he was a human!
As Bob had gone about his life he had become sick, and then gotten better, he had been injured, and then gotten better. For this reason Bob never thought about the ninja training facility in his body called his immune system. At some point he had been told of the awesome ninjas living inside of him but as they was always doing their job Bob never really thought about them.
Well one day Bob sustained a particularly nasty cut and he decided to figure out just what was happening inside his body. So he got a friend to use a shrink ray and go inside with a camera and this is what he saw...
There were millions and billions of Ninjas everywhere. And then he spotted them, the invaders, and he was not the only one. At that very minute a Macrophage named Mac walked up to an invader and gobbled him up. Now Mac was a messy eater so he got the invader all over him like he was a 2 year old child.
At that very minute a Helper T cell ninja named Hank spotted the invaders. Now there are T ninjas and B ninjas and they never talk. However Hank talked to both sides even though he was technically a T ninja.
So doing his job he started elbowing the T and B ninjas. At first they were like.. "WTF Hank". And then he pointed to the invades and to Mac and his friends who were having a feast. At that moment they sprung into action the B cells tried to find a matching antibody to the antigens the invaders had on. Finding the right antibody is slow work but eventually they did find the right one. As soon as they did they began mass production of it so that they could fight the invaders by making them unable to replicate or move. They needed more workers to do this fast enough to kill the invaders before they killed Bob. So they began cloning themselves along with the antibody weapons needed.
As all this was happening the cooler T cells began slicing and dicing the invaders where they stood. It was a blood bath and pretty awesome to watch. The T cells also cloned themselves over and over to have a large enough army to fight the invaders off.
Finally the battle ended. Mac and his friends were gorging themselves by eating all the invaders and the invader bits left over from the battle. They then became globby puss that oozed out of Bob's wound.
Hank and his friends managed to recruit many many ninjas of both kinds to help in the fight and he even made clones to help them in the recruiting process.
Once they checked the perimeter and posted guards to prevent furthur invaders from entering the T ninjas and B ninjas had story time.
The T ninjas and the B ninjas sat down all their new children. The ones they had cloned out that second/ minute/ day (all 8 billion of them). And they passed down the story of those invaders. The B ninjas also gave all the children the weapons that had killed the invaders in the end.
However the much cooler T ninjas did not have to pass down weapons, as their children are born killers and do not need weapons to kill.
This passing on of the stories and weapons was tradition among the ninjas. This tradition exists in the hopes that if the invaders ever returned there would be T and B ninjas to remember how to fight them. And hopefully if they remembered and had the tools necessary already they would get up an army faster and make their clone daddies proud by having their own massacre. The End
12/16/2010
The scars we all hide.
I have always been surprised by how many people will, when someone is hurting, be like yeah I have been there and have the scars to prove it. I also love the fact that most people have scars, both those that can be seen and those that cannot be seen.
I have had friends who have been too close to the edge of their sanity for any of their friends to be comfortable. That is usually when they get taken aside and are subjected to "show and tell". That is when we give the "We understand a bit of what you are going through... look at my scars... this is what I have been through... we are here for you" speech and they are also told that we love them and want them to be safe.
This solution has worked with 14 out of my last 16 friends. We had one friend that his did not work for and this is her story.
We went to school together and that summer we were working at the same place. She was my best friend and we had know each other for years. Me and her were 2 peas in a pod, inseparable and a little crazy. We were preparing for our freshman year of college trying to make some money for fun at school. We loved our summer job working at camp, playing with kids all day, swimming and teaching swimming lessons.
And then her world came crashing down around her. It was horrible to watch this sweet, wonderful, energetic, charismatic, outgoing 18 year old girl change before our eyes. When we had hung out on Saturday she had been one person and on the Monday after it happened she was completely different. In one day she went from loud to quiet, from a daredevil to skittish, from outgoing to reserved, from being some one who was always hugging others and giving back rubs, to a girl that could not be touched. In 15 minutes of sheer terror she lost everything that made her who she had been. She was a shell of herself and she knew it and hated herself for it.
She told not one of us what had happened that day. She just said she had a bad day and asked us to leave it at that and we respected her wishes. And despite the fact that she was so different, and wearing long sleeves and pants in the middle of summer we let it go for awhile.
Slowly we watched her move baby-step by baby-step closer to who she had been before that summer. She moved at her own pace and week by week she let us know what she needed from us. She would tell us that we were to remind her to stay out of corners, not bit her lips, we were to begin hugging her again, calling her to hang out and telling her that she was to come with us.
And she did it. In 3 months she battled her way back to the point where most of us could forget about the change we had seen that summer and all the events after it.
And then 3 months later she came into my room like she did most days. This day was different though, she told me that she needed to go to the store right then and asked if I would go with her. So I agreed, we went to the store weekly to get food for the week so this was not unusual. As we were walking there I asked her what was so urgent that we needed to go right then. The look she gave me told me that I should let it go. We went into the store and she purchased 3 pregnancy tests. We spent the entire walk home in silence, both of us lost in our own worlds trying to think about how to bring up the elephant in the room.
When we got back to the dorm she stashed the tests and we went to dinner like we did every night. We spent the rest of the night together. I did not know what to say so I simply stayed with her making idle chat. At 2 in the morning she got very quite, grabbed her teddy bear and started to talk in a very quiet but determined voice. She said "I need you to not talk until I am done." Then she started the story I had been waiting 3 months to hear. "On that Saturday night my entire life changed. That night was the night I lost my virginity. That night my whole world fell apart. I did not want to believe it was real. I wanted to pretend it was all a dream."
At that moment everything that I had seen in the past months made more sense. I told her that I was sorry that that had to happen to her and that I was there if she needed anything. She demanded my silence, I was not allowed to breathe a word of what I knew to anyone. After I told her that I would keep her secret she asked if I would keep 2 more secrets for her in the next 24 hours. I once again told her that I would do whatever she needed.
So with no warning she said "Secret number two.". As she said this she rolled up her right sleeve and pulled her shirt up to expose her left hip. The marks there left me speechless. I did not know how to convey how sorry I was that she was hurting herself without sounding like I was condemning her and her actions so I simply said "ouch". She dropped her shirt, grabbed her teddy bear and crawled onto the futon next to me and just started crying. It threw me for a loop. I had NEVER seen her cry before. I had watched her sit on the dirt of a softball diamond with a dislocated knee, I had seen her break both feet in gymnastics, and an arm snowboarding and I had yet to see her cry. All I could do was hold her and tell her I was there for her no matter what. That I always had been and that I always would be there, whether she needed me standing next to her, beating people up for her, hugging her, or just listening.
We talked for hours about why she was hurting herself. She tried to explain that it seemed to help her and that it was the only thing she had found that seemed to help her cope with everything that was going on. I was worried about her but she said she was not suicidal just that it was the only way to deal in her world. She said the only way to block out all the emotions she was feeling was to feel physical pain instead.
Then we talked about the need for the tests she purchased and we figured out a game plan for the outcome neither wanted us to happen. She decided to carry it to term if she was pregnant, get the doctors to obtain a sample of the baby's DNA so that it could be put on file, and then give it up for adoption because she knew she would not be able to handle loving the child created in such a horrible way.
By the time we had talked through all of this it was 6 am. She decided it was now or never to take the test. We went to the bathroom on a different floor of the dorm and I waited for her. She came out without looking at it because she couldn't. As soon as I looked at it my face fell and she knew what it showed. She took two more just to be sure. And with that she whispered "secret number 3". At 8 am when the clinic opened we made an appointment for the doctor to confirm what our tests had shown and to get her prenatal vitamins.
Waiting for that appointment was the longest 2 hours of my life. We got dressed and walked to the clinic. I helped her fill out paperwork and by the time we got into the room she was shaking like a leaf. The doctor confirmed that she was pregnant. And then she told us that she would not need the prenatal vitamins as the fetus was not viable. My friend chose to go home and let what was going to happen, happen. We spent the next 48 hours together and we talked, ate ice cream, watched movies, and generally took it easy so that what was going to happen could be a private affair.
Over the next few weeks her mood got better and she seemed to go back to her old self. I helped her catch up on the school work she missed staying home to recover. We giggled talking about what was happening in class and with our friends while doing our homework. This improvement carried over through finals week and through us going home for winter break. We did not see each other over winter break due to the fact that we were both busy with our lives, working, and family.
When we got back to school she was the girl I remembered from years before. We had no classes in common that semester so we only saw each other at night and usually it was just dinner or a study party in our dorm rooms. Because I was so distracted with classes and life and so wrapped up in my own little world I missed it. I completely missed the signs that something was going wrong, that despite all appearances she was not ok. She was just putting on a brave face and pretending she was fine. She had been going to class, hanging out with people, being able to laugh and joke, and doing decent in school. She seemed to be doing well coping with it, even without cutting.
And suddenly she stopped. And by stopped I mean she dropped out of life. She stopped going to class, stopped doing home work, stopped eating, stopped sleeping, she became unable to open her door to even go to the bathroom alone. She began cutting with a vengeance to feel anything. In a room full of friends she knew and trusted she often ended up under a piece of furniture or in a closet crying and completely out of touch with reality.
When we could get her to even agree to try to sleep it had to be broad daylight out, with 2-3 of us in the room, there had to be music or a movie on to distract her, and no one could touch her or get near her. And she would never sleep for more than 30 minutes without waking up screaming her head off. The flashbacks became longer in duration, and more intense for her.
We took turns staying in her room with her keeping guard over her when she was sleeping. We also took turns walking her to the bathroom and standing guard over the stall she was in showering or using the facilities. We also took turns trying to get her to eat and drink enough to keep her going. We were in over our heads and had no clue what to do for her. We tried multiple times to get her to talk to someone who knew what they were doing. She was wasting away in front of us and there was nothing we could do.
Finally we reached our limit. As far as we could tell we were the only reason she had not killed herself yet, whether on purpose of not, and we finally got up the courage to do something none of us had ever considered before. We had to tell her that we would be involuntarily committing her if she did not get help. She went voluntarily but none of us felt good about it and she was angry at us for quite awhile. But we wanted her to get better and she was getting closer and closer that final mistake.
She dropped out of school to get herself better and her life back in order. Eventually she got to a point where she realized that we did it for her, that it hurt us to see her like that, and to have to give her that ultimatum. When she got to that point she made contact again and apologized for being angry with us.
Today my best friend is working for a great company. She is living on her own. She has a fiance who knows everything and loves her and her quirks. We talk every night, and share everything with each other to this day. She is the strongest person I know and I love her to bits.
I have had friends who have been too close to the edge of their sanity for any of their friends to be comfortable. That is usually when they get taken aside and are subjected to "show and tell". That is when we give the "We understand a bit of what you are going through... look at my scars... this is what I have been through... we are here for you" speech and they are also told that we love them and want them to be safe.
This solution has worked with 14 out of my last 16 friends. We had one friend that his did not work for and this is her story.
We went to school together and that summer we were working at the same place. She was my best friend and we had know each other for years. Me and her were 2 peas in a pod, inseparable and a little crazy. We were preparing for our freshman year of college trying to make some money for fun at school. We loved our summer job working at camp, playing with kids all day, swimming and teaching swimming lessons.
And then her world came crashing down around her. It was horrible to watch this sweet, wonderful, energetic, charismatic, outgoing 18 year old girl change before our eyes. When we had hung out on Saturday she had been one person and on the Monday after it happened she was completely different. In one day she went from loud to quiet, from a daredevil to skittish, from outgoing to reserved, from being some one who was always hugging others and giving back rubs, to a girl that could not be touched. In 15 minutes of sheer terror she lost everything that made her who she had been. She was a shell of herself and she knew it and hated herself for it.
She told not one of us what had happened that day. She just said she had a bad day and asked us to leave it at that and we respected her wishes. And despite the fact that she was so different, and wearing long sleeves and pants in the middle of summer we let it go for awhile.
Slowly we watched her move baby-step by baby-step closer to who she had been before that summer. She moved at her own pace and week by week she let us know what she needed from us. She would tell us that we were to remind her to stay out of corners, not bit her lips, we were to begin hugging her again, calling her to hang out and telling her that she was to come with us.
And she did it. In 3 months she battled her way back to the point where most of us could forget about the change we had seen that summer and all the events after it.
And then 3 months later she came into my room like she did most days. This day was different though, she told me that she needed to go to the store right then and asked if I would go with her. So I agreed, we went to the store weekly to get food for the week so this was not unusual. As we were walking there I asked her what was so urgent that we needed to go right then. The look she gave me told me that I should let it go. We went into the store and she purchased 3 pregnancy tests. We spent the entire walk home in silence, both of us lost in our own worlds trying to think about how to bring up the elephant in the room.
When we got back to the dorm she stashed the tests and we went to dinner like we did every night. We spent the rest of the night together. I did not know what to say so I simply stayed with her making idle chat. At 2 in the morning she got very quite, grabbed her teddy bear and started to talk in a very quiet but determined voice. She said "I need you to not talk until I am done." Then she started the story I had been waiting 3 months to hear. "On that Saturday night my entire life changed. That night was the night I lost my virginity. That night my whole world fell apart. I did not want to believe it was real. I wanted to pretend it was all a dream."
At that moment everything that I had seen in the past months made more sense. I told her that I was sorry that that had to happen to her and that I was there if she needed anything. She demanded my silence, I was not allowed to breathe a word of what I knew to anyone. After I told her that I would keep her secret she asked if I would keep 2 more secrets for her in the next 24 hours. I once again told her that I would do whatever she needed.
So with no warning she said "Secret number two.". As she said this she rolled up her right sleeve and pulled her shirt up to expose her left hip. The marks there left me speechless. I did not know how to convey how sorry I was that she was hurting herself without sounding like I was condemning her and her actions so I simply said "ouch". She dropped her shirt, grabbed her teddy bear and crawled onto the futon next to me and just started crying. It threw me for a loop. I had NEVER seen her cry before. I had watched her sit on the dirt of a softball diamond with a dislocated knee, I had seen her break both feet in gymnastics, and an arm snowboarding and I had yet to see her cry. All I could do was hold her and tell her I was there for her no matter what. That I always had been and that I always would be there, whether she needed me standing next to her, beating people up for her, hugging her, or just listening.
We talked for hours about why she was hurting herself. She tried to explain that it seemed to help her and that it was the only thing she had found that seemed to help her cope with everything that was going on. I was worried about her but she said she was not suicidal just that it was the only way to deal in her world. She said the only way to block out all the emotions she was feeling was to feel physical pain instead.
Then we talked about the need for the tests she purchased and we figured out a game plan for the outcome neither wanted us to happen. She decided to carry it to term if she was pregnant, get the doctors to obtain a sample of the baby's DNA so that it could be put on file, and then give it up for adoption because she knew she would not be able to handle loving the child created in such a horrible way.
By the time we had talked through all of this it was 6 am. She decided it was now or never to take the test. We went to the bathroom on a different floor of the dorm and I waited for her. She came out without looking at it because she couldn't. As soon as I looked at it my face fell and she knew what it showed. She took two more just to be sure. And with that she whispered "secret number 3". At 8 am when the clinic opened we made an appointment for the doctor to confirm what our tests had shown and to get her prenatal vitamins.
Waiting for that appointment was the longest 2 hours of my life. We got dressed and walked to the clinic. I helped her fill out paperwork and by the time we got into the room she was shaking like a leaf. The doctor confirmed that she was pregnant. And then she told us that she would not need the prenatal vitamins as the fetus was not viable. My friend chose to go home and let what was going to happen, happen. We spent the next 48 hours together and we talked, ate ice cream, watched movies, and generally took it easy so that what was going to happen could be a private affair.
Over the next few weeks her mood got better and she seemed to go back to her old self. I helped her catch up on the school work she missed staying home to recover. We giggled talking about what was happening in class and with our friends while doing our homework. This improvement carried over through finals week and through us going home for winter break. We did not see each other over winter break due to the fact that we were both busy with our lives, working, and family.
When we got back to school she was the girl I remembered from years before. We had no classes in common that semester so we only saw each other at night and usually it was just dinner or a study party in our dorm rooms. Because I was so distracted with classes and life and so wrapped up in my own little world I missed it. I completely missed the signs that something was going wrong, that despite all appearances she was not ok. She was just putting on a brave face and pretending she was fine. She had been going to class, hanging out with people, being able to laugh and joke, and doing decent in school. She seemed to be doing well coping with it, even without cutting.
And suddenly she stopped. And by stopped I mean she dropped out of life. She stopped going to class, stopped doing home work, stopped eating, stopped sleeping, she became unable to open her door to even go to the bathroom alone. She began cutting with a vengeance to feel anything. In a room full of friends she knew and trusted she often ended up under a piece of furniture or in a closet crying and completely out of touch with reality.
When we could get her to even agree to try to sleep it had to be broad daylight out, with 2-3 of us in the room, there had to be music or a movie on to distract her, and no one could touch her or get near her. And she would never sleep for more than 30 minutes without waking up screaming her head off. The flashbacks became longer in duration, and more intense for her.
We took turns staying in her room with her keeping guard over her when she was sleeping. We also took turns walking her to the bathroom and standing guard over the stall she was in showering or using the facilities. We also took turns trying to get her to eat and drink enough to keep her going. We were in over our heads and had no clue what to do for her. We tried multiple times to get her to talk to someone who knew what they were doing. She was wasting away in front of us and there was nothing we could do.
Finally we reached our limit. As far as we could tell we were the only reason she had not killed herself yet, whether on purpose of not, and we finally got up the courage to do something none of us had ever considered before. We had to tell her that we would be involuntarily committing her if she did not get help. She went voluntarily but none of us felt good about it and she was angry at us for quite awhile. But we wanted her to get better and she was getting closer and closer that final mistake.
She dropped out of school to get herself better and her life back in order. Eventually she got to a point where she realized that we did it for her, that it hurt us to see her like that, and to have to give her that ultimatum. When she got to that point she made contact again and apologized for being angry with us.
Today my best friend is working for a great company. She is living on her own. She has a fiance who knows everything and loves her and her quirks. We talk every night, and share everything with each other to this day. She is the strongest person I know and I love her to bits.
12/05/2010
First day without Traing wheels
On my first day without training wheels my White cloud exploded and so much happened and it was bad. BAD for me may not be what most people consider bad. However before yesterday I had never had a code, never had a pediatric patient alone, never been the lone ALS provider on a scene, never had a parent in the bad of the ambulance crying as they and I watched the child die infront of us despite everything I was trying to do, I just wanted a hug so bad after that call.
I want my my training wheels back.
I want my my training wheels back.
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